Hi blogspot & world wide web, it has been a while since I have last shared my random and incoherent thoughts with you. It's nearly 5 in the morning right now and a lot is on my mind, so where else to have a brain vomit than here? Lately, I've been having trouble sleeping. I have been lying in bed for 2-3 hours the past week just staring at the ceiling, thinking too much about things. Sometimes, I just need a break from reality.

Let's briefly mention 2012. A lot has happened in the past year that I have failed to document through words, but nevermind that, I have photos that will hopefully trigger memories and help me reminisce. Overall, it was a very productive yet challenging year for me, but I felt I learnt a lot from it. I started that year with a lot of plans, just trying to rearrange everything into my timetable like a Tetris game. I didn't really think about whether or not I would be able to manage it all, I just wanted to be active, which explains why I burnt out so quickly when starting my first placement of the year. I learnt a lot about myself, what I was capable of and how I was going to use my remaining year at uni. Going through last year's experiences has also taught me to appreciate all the people around me who have been really supportive and caring right to the end.

A quarter of the new year has already flown by and I feel like I've barely begun to do anything at all. Its been a rocky start to the year. I lost a job, I scraped my dad's car, I've been in more arguments than usual, and there are things I didn't think I would ever need to deal with that I now do. My mentality is not as strong as I thought and I often find myself questioning my abilities, my decisions and my actions. What happened to the me who was much more sure of herself? The person who was able to justify every decision she made. I've also started to question the genuinity of those around me and how people are usually never as they initially appear to be. Still, I always try to look on the brighter side of things and aim for speedy resolutions.

Looking at the bigger picture, these happenings are not a big deal and there are worst things in life. I should be grateful of the good things I have been blessed with. There's no point dwelling on things for too long or it'll just weigh you down.
This year, I really hope to work on my bad habits, my time management and get things organized study-wise. So far, I'm not doing too bad, but my drive is waning and I really need to have someone to push me and feed me with motivation.

Moving away from academica and personal dilemmas, lately I've been thinking of how we treat each other. This is not the case for everyone, but I have come to observe that sometimes, we are much more friendlier and polite to strangers and people we don't know too well. Why is that? Why is it that once you've become closer to someone, you start to use less manners, you forget to appreciate their efforts or maybe you choose not to, and you start taking them for granted? Maybe you're getting too comfortable and use to them, so you don't feel the need to put in as much effort anymore because you think they're going to be there for you regardless. Or maybe you're too busy worrying about other things in life, what you deem as trivial such as matters like these get pushed aside, which I think is the case for most people. Or maybe you just don't care as much as you use to in maintaining a friendship or relationship with this person. Maybe you got lazy.
It could be a combination of these or none of these. Whatever the reason, I just find it odd that it can be so hard and take so long to build a strong foundation with someone, yet so easy to go backwards and taint that. If we stopped to think about why people don't last together, it's because we stop caring. The point I am trying to make it is that it's the little things that sometimes matter the most. Do small things with love and it can really do a whole deal.

Stepping on a more positive note, here's hoping to a better rest of the year ahead. Less thinking, more doing, less worrying, more sleeping, less bludging, more studying, less silence, more talking, less crying, more laughter, less second guessing, more confidence, less hurt, more happiness.
It is 5am and it is time for me to sleep.
Good morning.

Labels: life, people, sleepy, university

A much delayed post that I was suppose to put up 2 weeks ago.

Brother: Belindaaaa, why do you have to go to uni during half of my holidays? *makes a sad face*
Me: are you only complaining cos you have to do all the chores now?
Brother: yes.

Chello guys, uni mid-sem break is over.
What have I been doing? Nothing. It's all just a blur, which can only mean one thing- I wasted my week procrastinating yet again, when I should've at least attempted to open up a text book, let alone catch up with uni notes. Laaame

Well, one noted thing that wasn't a waste was the picnic on Friday with Hurlstone homies, going to the movies with Jo to see Alice in wonderland :D, and having dinner at MC's ...which I thought were the most productive things I've done ever since uni started, meaning I'm still on holiday mode eventhough the holidays were almost 2 months ago.

And speaking of uni, contrary to the popular belief, I actually quite like my course.
A couple of years ago, one of my closest friends sent me an email called "Instructions for life", and I remember reading "Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck." At the time, I thought this statement was quite ridiculous and contradictory. I mean, why would it be lucky if you didn't get something you wanted?
But now, I get it. I think this statement suits well with my current situation. (hopefully)
At this rate, I don't think I'll be considering (attempting) transferring into pharmacy next year at all.

That being said, it doesn't mean that I like uni. See, what I like about my course is actually just what I'm going to be doing when I graduate- the studying part of it is however, a major turn off. But I've always disliked studying in general anyways haha.

What I thought would have been good about uni is that it's a fresh change of environment, though it hasn't been particularly like that for me. I still feel like I'm entering a high school when I go into my campus, because it's so tiny. I somehow still manage to arrive late for my lectures though lol :P At least I wouldn't get bored during my long-winded 3-4 hour breaks, because I could always just walk right across the street and visit the cemetery. /sarcasm intended. Which reminds me, last week when it was really foggy in the morning, the cemetery was like a cut out scene from a thriller movie. It looked sooo spooky.

Something that has been somewhat positive about uni though, is the prospect of meeting new people. I don't know about you guys, but I usually feel excited yet daunted by the idea of making friends. I'm always afraid of rejection or that people will judge me based on first impressions. It sucks how prejudiced the world has become.

When you eventually do meet people who you can occasionally talk to, you get pulled into this feeling of accomplishment and kind of forget that there's going to be things you don't like about them, for me anyway. I almost think that they're perfect and that there won't be any conflicts in the friendship; and I almost always fall into this trap. I kind of temporarily put a blind eye to the annoying traits I see in the beginning, because it's not hard to brush off. After a while, when I become more attached to them, I start to see more good qualities about them and then the qualities I don't like and tried to ignore snap in.

And this is where the conflict begins. Recently, I realised that's where I'm at, with the people I've met at uni. I get annoyed, but I don't say anything, and it just continues. Maybe they're in the same position as well, I mean, obviously I have annoying traits too.

Labels: friends, life, people, university

It's frustrating when you feel like someone who you use to talk to a lot is gradually avoiding you. Sometimes they talk to you like how you guys usually talk, but then when they walk past you or when you're in their presence, sometimes you feel like they're avoiding you. And no, I'm not paranoid. This person is most probably avoiding me and talking to me, on and off.

Labels: moods, people

Before morning class today, Joanne and I exchanged belated birthday pressies...and she got me this GINORMOUSLY HUGE Mashimaro! It's sooooooo cute! XD but it's also sooo big that it attracted a lot of attention haha. THANK YOU MY BABY! LOL she stacked it while going down the stairs because mashimaro blocked her view lol so Laurence carried it ahahah. She also gave me a mini album of her piano compositions which I listened to just then and they sound really really good.

School photos during period 2, which meant all the guys had to tuck their shirts in and wear their ties up properly LOL nerds xD ..it feels good to know that I'm taller than about half the female population of the grade. I remember in year 7, I was the second shortest or something, out of the WHOLE GRADE. Anyway, I stood on the 3RD row next to Melina :) and the photographers were telling us to say random words hahah
After the group photo, we all had to have individual photos...and something embarrassingly funny happened to Nick involving a table and the ground HAHAHHA

And Irvin and Thang were trying to guess what Joanne and I got for Irvin's birthday LOL with the aid of three crappy clues I gave ^.~ no Irvin, It's not a cushion with your face on it :P

Cause I had music right before lunch today, I went to the canteen to buy a chicken tender =D
But the thing is, I didnt know most of the year 12s were so stingey about year 11s going on their line ..I didnt even KNOW it was their line and I thought the last two lines were for seniors.

SHEESH the year 12s that pushed in today were sooo evil!! So I asked Anne to buy for me =), seeing she was in the right line ...and some year 12s were really mean to Angela and they were being uber selfish =( like SERIOUSLY WTH IS YOUR PROBLEM?!? It's just ONE person in the front, and they push in and told her to move to the other line, and she was already in the front. And so Angela had to go to the back of the year 11 line....after waiting so long, so she didnt end up buying anything cos it pissed her off. And that made me pissed at them. GOD, I HATE those year 12s from today! I see year 12s in the year 11 line too! If they dont want us on their line, they should try control their people GGGRRR. For anyone who wants to know, they hang around near the toilets, next to a tree and a bin. No wonder one of them smell like fart bombs.

Then, Angela, Shell and I went back to the main quad tables, and we were talking about ways those year 12s can get embarrassed e.g. If I sneek into their formal and if the chairs were decorated with red fabric, I can squirt tomato sauce onto the chairs so it camouflages ^^ Though this will never happen, it's good to imagine.

Labels: food, friends, lunch, people, photos, school