Hi blogspot & world wide web, it has been a while since I have last shared my random and incoherent thoughts with you. It's nearly 5 in the morning right now and a lot is on my mind, so where else to have a brain vomit than here? Lately, I've been having trouble sleeping. I have been lying in bed for 2-3 hours the past week just staring at the ceiling, thinking too much about things. Sometimes, I just need a break from reality.

Let's briefly mention 2012. A lot has happened in the past year that I have failed to document through words, but nevermind that, I have photos that will hopefully trigger memories and help me reminisce. Overall, it was a very productive yet challenging year for me, but I felt I learnt a lot from it. I started that year with a lot of plans, just trying to rearrange everything into my timetable like a Tetris game. I didn't really think about whether or not I would be able to manage it all, I just wanted to be active, which explains why I burnt out so quickly when starting my first placement of the year. I learnt a lot about myself, what I was capable of and how I was going to use my remaining year at uni. Going through last year's experiences has also taught me to appreciate all the people around me who have been really supportive and caring right to the end.

A quarter of the new year has already flown by and I feel like I've barely begun to do anything at all. Its been a rocky start to the year. I lost a job, I scraped my dad's car, I've been in more arguments than usual, and there are things I didn't think I would ever need to deal with that I now do. My mentality is not as strong as I thought and I often find myself questioning my abilities, my decisions and my actions. What happened to the me who was much more sure of herself? The person who was able to justify every decision she made. I've also started to question the genuinity of those around me and how people are usually never as they initially appear to be. Still, I always try to look on the brighter side of things and aim for speedy resolutions.

Looking at the bigger picture, these happenings are not a big deal and there are worst things in life. I should be grateful of the good things I have been blessed with. There's no point dwelling on things for too long or it'll just weigh you down.
This year, I really hope to work on my bad habits, my time management and get things organized study-wise. So far, I'm not doing too bad, but my drive is waning and I really need to have someone to push me and feed me with motivation.

Moving away from academica and personal dilemmas, lately I've been thinking of how we treat each other. This is not the case for everyone, but I have come to observe that sometimes, we are much more friendlier and polite to strangers and people we don't know too well. Why is that? Why is it that once you've become closer to someone, you start to use less manners, you forget to appreciate their efforts or maybe you choose not to, and you start taking them for granted? Maybe you're getting too comfortable and use to them, so you don't feel the need to put in as much effort anymore because you think they're going to be there for you regardless. Or maybe you're too busy worrying about other things in life, what you deem as trivial such as matters like these get pushed aside, which I think is the case for most people. Or maybe you just don't care as much as you use to in maintaining a friendship or relationship with this person. Maybe you got lazy.
It could be a combination of these or none of these. Whatever the reason, I just find it odd that it can be so hard and take so long to build a strong foundation with someone, yet so easy to go backwards and taint that. If we stopped to think about why people don't last together, it's because we stop caring. The point I am trying to make it is that it's the little things that sometimes matter the most. Do small things with love and it can really do a whole deal.

Stepping on a more positive note, here's hoping to a better rest of the year ahead. Less thinking, more doing, less worrying, more sleeping, less bludging, more studying, less silence, more talking, less crying, more laughter, less second guessing, more confidence, less hurt, more happiness.
It is 5am and it is time for me to sleep.
Good morning.

Labels: life, people, sleepy, university